Death is quite difficult for anyone to face or cope with. It is emotionally overwhelming. The sudden death of someone you love is never easy to accept and deal with. The catastrophic loss exacts both emotional and physical tolls on the people affected by it.
When my two-year old son died in a vehicular accident, a vital and core part of me has been ripped away and died as well. There is an empty place in my heart that could never be filled up knowing that I would never be able to live with or share my love openly with my son, Walter Jared. Walter’s sudden death was an incredibly traumatic event and I was forced to confront an exceedingly painful and stressful paradox. I have to deal with the contradictory burden of wanting to be free of this overwhelming pain yet needing the memories as a reminder of my precious child. I cannot just tie my neck and stop breathing even how badly I need to end the pain. I still need to continue to live our own lives as fully as possible for our two remaining children.
Nothing has prepared me for the enormity or catastrophe of the grief. When grief hits me, I just let my tears flow and feel the intensity of the pain and the longing for my son’s warm embrace and wet kisses. Words are not enough to express how much I miss my son. I am constantly holding on to those precious memories we have shared together to fill the untold emptiness and lighten the deep emotional hurt.
I keep my life very simple and just focus on getting through each day at a time. As I continue my life’s journey, I have great hope that God will provide me the ways to get through my grief and healing will come eventually.